As the year draws to a close, I have found many things worth remembering and reflecting on.
I must admit, it is with a heavy heart that we have to part when we are put in our CGs. The wonderful company I had over the past 3 years is very difficult to replace and I thank God for making me feel accepted and comfortable in YM.
I had no impression of Teens until the end of Y4, during Teens camp. There, I started to feel closer to JT and SY, esp. after an emotional moment. The trip to USS started to bond us closer.
Entering YM then was an awkward period of time–the atmosphere was more stifled, but probably most ppl there were young adults. We were familiar with SJ and B (they were with us in Y4) but not SH. Thus I didn’t have much of an impression of her back then. SJ’s wide knowledge on apologetics left me in awe, as he gave me a new perspective in looking at things. But what stuck to me was the pep talk I had with him when I mentioned my school problems. The fact that he talked to me made me feel at home as a result.
As 2012 went by, I started to know my fellow L5s more even though we had been together for many years. Through the jokes and banter from SY, I saw him as the glue that helped us bond together– you could feel the presence he brought. JS was the thinker, he clicked with SJ easily. K was the epitome of creativity and we marvelled at her various drawings. The children’s camp that year was one of many events where we bonded together. Pretty soon, we discovered that SH had her warm side and somehow we began to treat her like one of our own.
C came in this year after B and SJ left. Initially she didn’t warm up to us, but as the year went by I saw how she made the effort to know us better and even surprised us with the pre-As letter.
There are so many examples of how we managed to remain close together even though people in other batches stopped coming after entering YM. It has been a fruitful time with you awesome people [lunches at our ‘favourite restaurant’, outings…] and if anyone of you are reading this, I ❤ you to the moon and back!
This proved to be of conflicting emotions to me as I had both good and bad times.
First up, it was A Level season and one inevitably feels the stress from such a high-stakes exam. The work comes in, first a trickle, then a flood. It was common for me not to complete revision packages, because it was impossible to do so given the short time span. But more insidiously, the feeling that you had not studied everything gets into you. It permeates your consciousness and keeps you awake every hour. You start questioning yourself whether you have studied enough to take down the monster. Even after you finish the paper, you question whether everything was correct. I was aware that I was slacking away time on the internet and tried my best to knuckle down to business, but I was hindered by 101 distractions. Overall I thank the Lord for guiding me through the papers, even though I may not be so sure of the quality of my work.
I am thankful that I managed to get over my dislike of the class to being closer to them, esp. with the group of guys that made me feel welcome. Special mention goes to D who took the initiative to talk to me during this time and I am grateful to him. It was not easy for me to reach out to the class but I managed to temper my dislike, and this was the sliver lining in an otherwise gloomy time.
This year has been one of discovery as I found out my own weaknesses, through the various exams and what my friends said. I have tried my best to rectify these mistakes, but I do wonder why I try so hard to please people sometimes. However, what kept me going was the grace of God. Many times I fall at His feet and plead for help, and he granted them in ways that I didn’t expect. A defining moment was the run-up for the mission trip, where I constantly asked Him to change my parents’ heart about the trip. E and SH even talked to my mum, so I was crushed when I could not go. The succession of events in PH didn’t help in convincing either. It was so bad that I started to wish secretly that the trippers would be denied from going …only aunty MI helped me to look at the situation with some positivity. It showed me that the Lord is not a God that provides benevolently all the time, but that He can deny me in order for me to trust in Him more.
Finally, on this very last day of 2013, I am glad to look back at this year and marvel at the things I went through. How 2014 turns out to be depends on my actions and attitude to life. Here’s to a Happy New Year!