Dreams in green

It was a race of ??km, maybe 2.4. I remembered running through a stone path in some forest resembling Tekong. I rounded a bend, and saw the finish line at my house’s carpark. There was no one there, but I recalled seeing certain army personnel attending a funeral. They had an umbrella and jug formation patch, something that I had never seen before. The spectators probably didn’t expect race to end so quickly, and people streamed in. Despite coming in first, they screamed for RYLZ?! I rested in a telephone booth, and many others came in as well. I asked whether they passed and one didn’t seem to although most did. There was a long queue right outside where people were checking in. Just then, SAF people from the vintage parade came in wearing their uniform and all and wanted to take pictures with us. We squeezed in for selfies and also pretended to drive a car, which the guy made into some strange animation.

******
I recalled being in some Brunei-like environment where it was evening and the sky was darkening. We had finished training for that tiring day and our commanders were rushing us to leave that place before nightfall. Apparently it was 3km back, and a commander said ‘just walk only’ (lol..). I then went into some bunk where my helmet was, and was surprised that it had been taken apart (no netting, goggles and helmet band). Since there was no time to fix, I grabbed everything. Then, I realized I was stepping on a soccer ball that appeared mysteriously. I turned to see my senior commander chuckling at me while shaking his head?!!

*****
I walked out of bunk and found myself in some house under a dawn sky. I perceived people holding something that was a mix between a small satellite and a gun and they were pointing at the sky. Soon, this giant airship appeared. It resembled a floating boat with a big red shelter in the middle. I remembered that we had air training (this is air training!?) before we had to take a ship to the US for some exercise. Thus we had to take the airship to the port. We reached port and proceeded to customs, and went through the process of emptying pockets of phones. I cleared cuistoms and saw my friend (ord boy) who wasn’t going wave goodbye. I walked up steps to the ship and could still see him at the window. All faded away after that.

*****

All in all, being in army has screwed up even my dreams. Wtf was I thinking about in the first place?!

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It’s been a long time since I wrote because the events don’t seem blog-worthy. Yet, current events have forced me out of my hiatus..

I have been reading manga lately [FMA and Death Note] after a friend convinced me to do so. I identified with DN more strongly because it raises questions on whether it is right to kill people you do not like or even hate. The main character, Light Yagami was caught up in using the notebook to destroy all who stood in his way in creating a world deemed perfect by him. He was eventually outsmarted by the efforts of L and Near, two child investigators. it is a gripping read and a good introduction to manga for the uninitiated ones [cos Naruto, One Piece and Bleach are way too long.]

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I also just finished The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman. It is a novel on magic and childhood weaved together, where the main character befriends a girl when he was a child. He finds out that the girl and her female family members have some sort of supernatural power and a chain of events led to him confronting an otherworldly creature with their assistance. What I noted was how during childhood, ”the small things mattered the most” and how we could never tell adults certain things for “they would not believe it.” Though the story may seem too far removed from the average SG child’s life (no countryside, end of the lane or ponds to speak of), the innocence of children and the life lessons is a good read for both children and adults alike.

Being involved in this year’s NDP parade was a great honour, especially when I had the chance to appear on TV. We were involved in the vintage parade segment, featuring SAF, police and civil defense pioneers in their uniforms of yesteryear, contingents with old logos/uniforms and….featuring us pseudo-trishaw riders ferrying SIA girls. I was chosen along with nine others to ride the trishaws, which were far from perfect. Bent tyres were common and I even suffered a blowout. Anyway, I felt lucky to be cycling down in front of so many people last week, though we were scared that something bad should happen halfway. We cyclists had a better deal than the rest, who were involved as group ICs or free labour.

Time does fly fast and it’s only 5 more months. What will I do after that? I’ve seen friends who have a clear idea of what they’re going to do, from taking up courses to even internships. This makes me feel very useless as I don’t know the direction I am going. Now I’m getting desperate as it’s so difficult to find out what I really like. Maybe I’ll have to stick around.

Being with P6 for more than a year has allowed me to grow and be more open about myself I feel. Sometimes though, loneliness seeps in and it takes quite an effort to get a grip. I am reminded of my JC days, being the only one not from high school (what luck) and how I had to find people whom I could count on. Obviously I still felt something was lacking and it was unknown how I pulled through. Being in this battalion also marked transitions due to the vastly different social and educational background I had been seeing for most of my life. There were tough times and I had wanted out from this hellhole by getting a place in medicine. Thus being rejected had crushed me terribly. I was also wondering how I would survive when friendships had already been built around them. Somehow or another, different groups of people helped me to keep my head up and assimilate and thus I’m finally ok with them. Being lonely makes you self-conscious and acutely aware of what others are saying. Having no one to turn to during the dark days was trying, to say the least. To be honest, the situation is still far from rosy but I am proud to say I have these people in the platoon to keep me going.

I still think otherwise and things still go awry, but giving thanks won’t hurt. Despite going through a less than ideal spiritual relationship, I try to bring my unwilling self back, but that’s never going to be enough, not yet. It’s too dangerous to think that there’s still time…