its so easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself against others–isn’t it human nature from the time we lived in caves? what’s more insidious is how your mind/consciousness seizes on your doubts to twist it into horrible stuff.

i have seen far too many travel posts for comfort and i’m constantly reminded of how circumstances have not availed me of this chance to take a break during the holidays, either through lack of lucre or companions. i have seen far too many friendships and i wonder why they have so much more connections than i do. i see the fun they had and i also wonder. i see musicians and wonder how are they able to memorise songs and their chords. why do they have so much more fun than i do? the ideal, politically correct ans is not to think so much and to be grateful for what you have. easy to say, difficult to do though. many a times i have visualised myself going overseas to take street life [shopfront with ppl/cars in the foreground]. i could say i’ve become self-conscious abt this and it keeps grating at my mind. to sum up this sad state of affairs, i started to read next sem’s stuff alr ha.ha.ha.

i’m also reminded of the unspoken privileges that we have as chinese and christians as well. we can talk to each other in mandarin even though other races feel left out of the joke or commentary. even during christmas, how we celebrate differs wildly from gatherings, dinners to just reflecting on what a birth 2000 years ago signify. ‘xmas’ has become an ubiquitous greeting, but then christians would argue why is christ removed from christmas all because of a social/economic/linguistic need to  simplify/abbreviate everything? see, with the added knowledge of our races and religions, we view the world through many lenses that may or may not cloud our perceptions. will we see the world as it plainly is one day? maybe not in this lifetime, not ever, unless the human condition undergoes a drastic change.

also i find it quite interesting to see what others think of you. this has been evident in the many detailed birthday wishes. being a welfie who plays the harmonica and ‘steady’/onz abt the og/funny when drunk etc is alr v common for me. there is this social condition where the well-wisher would try to think of sth they share in common or have seen in their wishes, and the birthday boy/girl would show appreciation in like manner. so one could see how much you thought/regarded the person and in reverse, what the birthday person felt abt you as well. of course there is a difference in length of the wishes. on one hand you could be heartened by what the person thought of you during normal-time interactions, or you may feel that the person may not be sincere enough. ppl would comment if it were exceptionally good but how often can that be? it can be interesting to think of what to say to each well-wisher but you would have a tougher time for those whom you’re not close to. somehow or another someone would remember its your birthday and everyone follows suit–idk why i’m caring so much and somewhere deep inside it would be better off to not forcibly remember birthdays–if you’re close enough a private message can mean the whole world to the person. well fk this superficial shit.


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