don’t know where to begin

i really dk whether not gg for exchange is a good thing or not. hearing so many ppl talking about pre-exchange stuff got me feeling weird inside and wondering about the what-could-have-beens. i did consider family finances–how can i go for one if i don’t even have $ to pay for school fees? but was this really the reason or because i could not find anyone to travel together? course matching was also another deterrent as it is tricky trying to clear courses with my modules…

am i holding myself back in terms of interactions w others? its so hard going thru life alone everyday coupled with distractions, even tho finals are less than a month away

and i’m envious of the hb freshie batch..this is what a team is supposed to be like, to have fun, a freshie chat and talk shit together. i didn’t have the luxury and fun that they have considering only 5 of us remained, and especially as a new keeper who does not see the team much/fresh in the sport, i could never bridge the gap btwn me and the team. how i wish i had come in with them as well. and it was a tough loss against nus…losing by 1 fking point really hits home after the competition. esp the seniors who were playing the game for the last time in uni, you could feel how despondent they felt. it was my first medal at a competitive sport however and i’m thankful for that tho…despite not playing at all in the final, it still means sth when i contributed to the route to the finals eg the horrendous np game. i would probably stay for 1 more year to earn a sunig medal and possibly earn back a gold idk, but then they are gg to taiwan for a trg camp which means more time to bond among themselves and shit sigh

am i still mentally crippling myself? if d could earn an invites spot in yr 1, why could’nt i? so many things to do but no drive to do

had a very random meetup with some malaysian dude who saw my letter to torque in feb even tho i sent it ages ago. i was hesitant to meet him at first but reasoned that maybe i could network w him or sth..turns out he owns several cars in kuching including an ae86 and an nsx like wow?! quite a cool dude who also loves his cars…in the end we talked for more than an hour

still not very sure how internship at munich re will turn out since there was no interview offered…what gutted me was that axa offered a place as well but it was too late oh wells..hopefully an loa internship will remove the bad feeling of not gg for exchange

ooh baby its a wild world

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recap 2017

come to think of it, 1 year is really fast

y1s1 results happened but i had to pick myself up from there. it moved on to even more advnced shit which i had poor control over except maybe for IT and FM lmao. i especially fked up at bizops and acct and it still remains today fml. i guess IT proj was the only good thing which helped me in my blog undertaking–it was partly because of this that i started using a blog and insta to promote it.

internship: it was a last minute thing but i’m still thankful to have gotten it even though it sounded shady af at first. knwoledge gained was really useful despite insurance being confusing. i tried my hand as an agent but realised it wasn’t the one for me–too lazy to get out and do anything lmao. although i handed in my licence just last month, it was informative on what insurance plans to get in the future. not to mention the friendships in ace 8: thnak you guys for accepting who i am and its quite unreal how we still keep in touch–marina bay carnival was not bad but the mach 5 ride was one insane ride, good to ride once for the experience but not multiple times lol. msia was the bombz and i missed the times at psuedo work.

nbsfoc: fk i really missed the days of planning and gg for trial camps. on one hand it was a relief when the finale night started but i realised that the effort that we spent over the past year planning for it was finally over. from coordinating the catering, carrier bags, keeping an eye on the campers etc it was tough work, tho i was really carried by the more capable members. it was also cool going for our thanos photoshoot which happened to be the day before my m9 paper. the juniors were quite onz as well although sadly cliques have formed rather quickly and people are drifting apart…anyway that’s not our problem anymore. it feels really different gg through camp as a participant and a exco member, you see how things come together while you’re just having fun playing the games back then.

y2s2: a whole new set of challenges, with the actuarial mods. this is harder than i expected despite my supposed strength in that area fml. and it really bugs me to see how some ppl are way better than you and you ask yourself why you aren’t at that level? i guess i got so overwhelmed by everyone’s smartness that i didn’t feel comfortable with anyone in the class, which actually pretty sucks since you’re on your own. fortunately i had LY w me during tax which made each 4hr lesson all the more bearable. results are out soon and i have pretty low expectations…doing well would be a bonus. it also cued the start of looking for the PA during the summer break and its really hard to get a internship nowadays..i have no fking idea how some ppl managed to clinch winter posns.

handball: never the best keeper out there and always eclipsed, however this sem was a little different as the exchange students we had were more proactive and made trg sessions more interesting. last year was pretty boring tbh. we also had a trg camp, unlike last year though i got injured halfway. it was really good playing CS and watching Sausage Party [its a surprisingly highly-rated movie lmao].

this yr has been a challenge in maintaining and forging relationships. i never got close to ppl i wanted to and it’s hard in reaching out to others as well, not to mention seeing so many ppl getting into relationships. deep down idk whether i’m ready for one though as there is much effort to but put in maintaining one, having seen birthdays planned by the other halves and etc. at this stage idk what to expect anymore

spiritually i am not the strongest as well, having doubted and being unsure of what i believed in. recently i have started reading religious texts from other religions as a form of challenge ie to keep myself informed. reading wise, i finally read harry potter for the first time and i saw why ppl fell in love w it. war and peace was one thick shit that i won’t touch again. divergent series wasn’t that great tho. the talisman by stephen king was quite fascinating imo. i also managed to watch the HP films and LOTR and i guess i can appreciate it more?

crazy how 1 year is over just like that. 2018 has a whole new set of challenges and experiences and i hope i can go on exchange/get internship/other half/more views/better personal development etc fk its too much to handle

 

Much has happened as you can see and this is because school in y2s2 is batshit insane. Recess wk currently but its alr over oh noes

having made the rather foolhardy decision to take actuarial science, i now realise why people are so afraid of it or see these students as living legends etc…it is really no joke having your head wrapped around with stats or advanced FM. I didn’t expect to enter this course–i put it as first choice not so much of trying my luck, but it was sth that i saw myself doing and being comfortable with it unlike b&f. i was fking shocked yet somehow pleased by being able to get in…i thought one had to meet certain gpa requirements etc. while checking the ppl in the course i saw a few familiar faces…having a double degree in acct and actuarial is really rare since both fields are so different from one another, and you would have to give up one or the other.

Stats modelling is basically advanced stats as they teach you things not coverd in the 1st year course. our teacher was really good but he has mood swings–he can be nice but then proceed to order you around etc. Maths of finance was taught by this Japanese guy–i realised he’s quite a funny person and he makes constant references to his home town. The kahoots he gives us sometimes has japan related stuff that catches us off guard and once he brought the shiroi chocolates as a treat wows. Tax was taught by this former iras officer and he is seriously damn knowledgeable, but given that he had worked there for about 20 years this comes as a given. Career found 2 was taught by this guy who rides a harley bike and tattoos. He was also a former campus recruiter at UBS and it was gratifying when he shared his experiences eg the things he saw–really a very cool person!

i must say that actuarial shit is really not easy to grasp even though i thoight would do better at it–it has been a humbling experience to see ppl who get things way faster than you.

amidst the work, trgs and projects, i was really grateful for the midweek recess break to JB woohoo. it was my fking first time and I realised why so many people don’t mind travelling there despite the general unsafeness. we met at woodlands checkpoint and entered the ‘mythical’ land of JB City Square. There wasn’t much to buy there since the things were also available in sg. However we managed to try some cheese tarts from an outlet there and it was oh so sinful. D actually treated us to it but it wasn’t that cheap at RM8. We had lunch at Restoran Ya Wang, which apparently is the consultant for the sg-based din tai fung or sth. It was located across the Jalan Wong Ah Fook road, hidden along one of the shophouses there. The herbal roast duck was sedap and the char siew sio bak was quite decent as well–however i am not a foodie so i can’t speak for others. Altogether the meal was only RM 20 per person!! We popped by the famed Chaiwalla container cafe along Jln Tan Hiok Nee, where i tried their Thai milk teas for only RM10 and bought banana cake from Hiap Joo Bakery: 5 pieces for RM5 only?! We returned to city square for a 3hr karaoke: for RM 23 you can get free food and one drink like srsly?! How can you even get this here? We then took a cab to KSL mall: it was RM 9 but the driver didn’t return me change when I gave him RM10 like wtf (but probably I didn’t ask from him urgh) we had a massage session there for only RM52, which we were hesitant at first since it looked a bit dodgy. It was ok except that the masseuse cramped my leg…

By that time it was 8pm and we were starving. We wanted to go to a zichar place at Taman Sentosa but no one knew the place, so we settled for San Low Seafood at Taman Pelangi. The beehoon was really good and the other egg-based dishes were not bad either–it was only RM20. We took an uber back to city square, although it was somewhat slower because of the larger space to cover. We then took one of the blue Malaysian buses back to sg for only RM2. All in all it was eye opening to see JB in a different light–the houses and general cleanliness was somewhat poorer but it was all the more unique. Most vehicles there are manual and there was a sprinkling of old cars there as well. I guess it isn’t much of a problem if you travel in groups, and its more fun this way

 

 

 

Mega update 7 2017

faculty camp was so much better imo, but probably because i’m more attached there?

some time in early july, the freshie list for flamma was released and we went to JH’s house to do the prank-calling. it was hilarious to hear the freshies’ reactions when they fell for our pranks–they were either disappointed that they had been allocated to another camp or utterly confused by our scenarios.

we had our first meeting at vivocity again and we introduced ourselves and played some orientation games. for some reason, the place we chose was rather stuffy and we could see that the freshies were getting restless. after lunch we moved to a new spot where we revealed the first round of fake freshies, and split up between the dance and mascot groups. i revealed myself at the end and we chilled with those that decided to stay back. the second time i met them was actually during day 1 of camp. since the next day was national day, we put the night run/escape room segment before dismissing them for the night. the GLs had already booked a chalet at Home Team Bukit Batok in anticipation of the holiday and even a bus to bring us back to school subsequently. as a result, everyone came down. we caught the NDP on TV before the GLs prepared soem drinking games etc to pass the time. some of the viper grand seniors came back too. we made the freshies go through the initiation by doing the bowl cheer as usual–it was close to 12am when everything ended. while we made the freshies sleep at 3am,i stayed up the whole night chilling and drinking some more. we woke up the freshies at 6.30 as they washed up. the bus came somewhat later but i returned to school first with qn to settle the welfie items and breakfast.

we changed the caterer, but it was also quite decent as well. while they were doing the hale walk, us welfies went to the grandstand to chope the area and i crashed there until lunch came. pool day was next and i observed the freshies playing the pool games. they didn’t seem so good at it though. pandora’s box was next and this time they were better i think? from what i heard, they were quite disappointed to the point that the GLs had to give them a pep talk. beach day was the next day and i had to wake up at 5+ to reach the gathering point at 6am. since we were staying at hall 12, i had to fking walk my long journey there. we settled their breakfast and treated whatever injuries that were incurred along the way. flamma also did poorly for beach games, coming in 2nd last. us seniors were also fretting whether they could keep the telematch streak running, so there was another round of pep talk. the weather turned bad at that time so everything got postponed by an hour or so. with the telematch set to go on, we encouraged the freshies to just try their best and listen to instructions. for some reason, they suddenly changed and destroyed the entire competition. everything flowed smoothly despite the lack of cheating! we reached the water 2 mins before sparta, quite surprisingly. the relief and joy was visible on all faces as we celebrated together. on of the flamma freshies insisted on carrying on despite a rather large wound on her leg, which was rather insane. lunch came afterwards and then it was time to go back to school for the bbq.

the bbq food had arrived, but because some OGs wanted to shift their bbq pits, it became somewhat confusing. considering that flamma managed to get a bbq pit at crescent hall, we were better off than some others who did not have that much space. at that time, they were already quite comfortable among themselves, buoyed by the telematch win. we watched their freshie dance afterwards and had a sharing session with them about their feelings for the camp. field day and save the cgl was the last activities for the camp. somehow, us welfies were overwhelmed by the number of people seeking first aid, as the beach day injuries accumulated until today. we were bustling about and trying to treat as many people as possible.

the pizza came and it was finale night. we rushed down to support the freshies when they were dancing and we bowled the whole auditorium as usual for 5 minutes straight. the pageantees were also introduced as well and our representative had our fullest support. D got the news that we won best og!! and they also announced it. i felt that they didn’t expect to get first so all of them were like over the moon. in the end it was revealed that we were only 5 points ahead from 2nd place, showing how close it was. we did the mega nbsfoc handshake and revealed our fake senior to the freshies who were stunned at first lmao. we went to a room to distribute the prizes while the GLs gave their heartfelt speeches. it was only until 12+ that we dismissed them. i had to go home early since i had to check into hall the next day, consequently i didn’t see them do the chew-n-chew.

after planning for the camp for almost a year, it was over in just a matter of days. it was bittersweet yet fulfilling to see everything come together smoothly. honestly i was carried along by the better welfies since i didn’t even go for the first aid course. obtaining supplies, making welfare packs, settling the main comm chalet and of course the 3 camps–it seemed so long but yet it happened so fast. this would not have been possible if the previous exco hadn’t selected me, and i wouldn’t have joined main comm if i did not feel close to thanos in the first place.

 

Mega update 6 2017

Hall camp started on officially on friday but i only came at night cos of work. and anyway, i was really upset/triggered at my treatment. you don’t fking add me into the group late and say that you forgot lmao. then why were you able to remember the others first?! thus, I did not get to see/interact w the freshies but i was chill with it–i did not intend to be close to hall anyway.

i saw them doing the SP interaction thingy where they blindfold you and put you w someone of the opposite gender and you talk to them, you were supposed to guess who they were and do a series of challenges [read: tekan] for the guys only. having endured the humiliation last year, i was eager to see what the freshies would talk about. it just so happened that 2 juniors in flamma were paired up as each other’s SP, so it was quite entertaining to watch their interaction. every night we had a debrief/allocation of proggies for the next day’s tasks.i wasn’t involved in field day and had nothing to do, and since it was a sunday I travelled to City Harvest for worship. it was really an eye opening experience, with a rather big live band setup like a concert. the top floor of suntec convention centre had been retrofitted with stadium seats, vastly increasing the capacity. sometimes they prayed in tongues though i wasn’t sure whether it was real. during the prayer, the speaker asked to pray for kong hee’s trial on tuesday which i didn’t join in of course. the message was on 2 samuel, about how obed-edom was able to enter the house of the lord despite being an outsider. i came back in time to see them do the SP tekan, which was disappointingly mild this year. we had to cater to people who were not comfortable with it, but some dude was so upset at having to retry that he cried. like wtf u srs bro?! it was just eating random things/suggestive acts etc which compared to our year was so much worse.

beach day was next day. we went to tanjong beach on the back of a lorry just like a foreign worker [no offense]. i understood what they had to go through everyday while commuting to work. overall it was ok even though cama didn’t really win anything. amzing race started right after that but us proggies returned to school to prepare for the infamous NG100. i took a nap [crashed] at 6pm and woke up at 7.30pm even though we were supposed to meet at 6.30 for the briefing lmao it was so ridiculous waking up to find the sky so dark alr. after prepping the logistics, we waited for the first teams to arrive. They came around 10-11pm and pretty soon i could see their frustration/disappointment showing as they could not pull off a perfect series of tasks within 100 seconds. having been in their position 1 year ago, i commiserated with their predicament. however, it really felt good to not be the one doing these tasks for like x number of times. cama was the last to finish at 2am and we returned for some ah lian. the next day was an early day as there was bubble soccer at turf city [the grandstand] and also a series of things to do there. by that time, i had no more activities so i just tagged along. after we returned to hall, it was finale night, with a buffet. we went on stage to do the cheer fight together and in the end we got ‘best team spirit’ award again wts

it seems that the GLs had compiled a video of the last 6 days, like how they felt during the camp, including day -1, which i found rather refreshing since our seniors didn’t do it. if i were a freshie i would have been touched ttm. i only interacted with a few of them during an after-hours session of cards against humanity. though i joined them for supper, i didn’t go back to hall–hell, i missed my bed! overall it was an ok camp and my wish to see what the freshies went through was fulfilled.

Mega update 5 2017

Right after senior camp was reservist of all things sfjsnfkn

G was gracious enough to drive me to jurong camp 2, where I in-proed. it felt really weird to see your sergeants/troopers again after 1.5 years–surprisingly most of them were still talking the same way as before. amazing how certain behaviors remain the same.

1st day was just admin talk and familiarization–the commanders had entered in the morning and were refreshing their drills etc. the cookhouse food was quite decent compared to bedok, but we were confused for a moment when the chinese food used blue crockery. it was a revision of section drills and etc–holding a rifle after so long really felt quite heavy zomg. apparently ntu was just opposite our camp and after that, i realised it was so–so near yet so far! there was a route march around camp and i was almost dying cos neither of us expected sth so effortless previously to be so tiring. how did we even conquer ex wallaby?!! 3rd day was a 1-day outfield ie section battle course at pasir laba trg area. it took some time to get used to the terrain/movement etc but we were deployed as enemies for the remaining details–shiok but shag cos of the additional rifle cleaning. 4th day was a live shoot which i fked up spectacularly cos of my rifle and general stupidity zzz, the only plus point was the indoor range. it felt good to fire a gun again though. 5th day was ippt–due to some fk-ups about the detailing, we were unable to run as it was cat 1 right at our turn. i was fking triggered by the wasted effort to attempt to get a gold. we only left camp at 6pm even though everything ended by 12pm–must be a 3gds kinda thing. i had wanted to make my way home by myself but in the end, with A and G following, I grabbed a fking uber for almost $40.

i had to retake my ippt in august as a result and this time it was ok. the instructor was strict af and didn’t give me a good grade for push-ups, but i surprised myself by running a 9.58. personal best and below 10, what’s not to love? so now it’s back to waiting for the next cycle–9 to go…

Mega update 4 2017

As welfies, we finally did something during the trial and senior camps. Much hours of planning had been put into this and everyone had put in a lot of effort to pull it off. The main comm met for a meeting a few days before the actual event to brief us on the schedule and etc, before we went to consolidate the first-aid items.
Saturday dawned bright and we had to walk all the way from harbourfront to tanjong beach, which was one hell of a journey. We were one of the earliest to reach, but the food was already there way before us…and Elsie’s Kitchen was quite bad lmao. There were a lot of leftovers and it was hard to clear the trash because of the Styrofoam boxes ie the type for cai fan.

As an observer for all the games, the beach games were quite fun and everyone enjoyed themselves. There were certainly areas for improvement as well such as the level of engagement and the game complexity. Luckily, there were no major injuries that required our attention. We made our way back to school for Pandora’s box (a new game) where each clan had a weakness and others had to find the appropriate weapon to defeat them through clues provided during stage games or other methods. It felt rather passive as only a few people were involved at any time and it was more a matter of luck: if you were able to find the necessary items, then all would be good.

We had night run and escape room concurrently. I tried out the night run games which was similar to that of last year. All of us were rather chill and we couldn’t care less about the chasers that were supposed to make us run. During the escape room game, I went to talk to Z about what he was doing, while we waited for ppl to come to his pop-up station. The aim was to catch as many pencils as possible while balancing them on one hand, so it was interesting to see how the participants did it. The day wasn’t over for us–the main comm had a meeting where we shared our opinions on the games and what could be improved. As a result, the show was run by the CGLs and CPs who were often ‘arguing’ about the games. Us welfies had a meeting with the fincons about our budget, where we were questioned about the apparent excessive ordering of 100 plus. All of my OG main comm decided to sleep at a friend’s bunk that was all the way at hall 16, and I forgot to take the first-aid kit when I was near the compound, so I had to freaking double back to retrieve it.

Since the food came quite early for the next day, we had to be at the canteen at 7am and this spelled shagness as I had to travel all the way back again. Coupled with that, I started feeling unwell and this led to me falling sick after the camp zzz. As per the previous games, the soapy games and hale walk were also not that bad. We had a debrief as usual after the participants had left, where we were advised on planning our budget and getting a better caterer.

Seniors camp was 1 month later with a few changes. We chose East West Fusion as the caterer and surprisingly the food was quite tasty! We had relatively less leftovers and some even took 2nd helpings lmao. It was only marred by the discovery of a worm on one of the food, but after much haggling with the caterer, we got 100 packets worth of refund. Considering that each packet cost only $2.50 (cheaper than outside cai fan) and that no one would have realised anything if it had been part of the leftovers, we decided to stick with them for the actual camp. Initially we were concerned that they would not be able to cater to a large size, since we saw them coming in a rather small van. Yet, we also saw that they also had a bigger truck. Evryone loved the food and this further confirmed our decision to stick with them.

For this beach day, there was the telematch and it looked quite shag based on what I saw. Like other OGs, we ‘cheated’ our way and got first place. This drew ire from the CPs who subsequently complained about it, and they proposed a points system to counter cheating.

We had war games when we came back and this had a wet element to it because of the water bombs. Aftwr we were done with dinner, the night run commenced. The playing area was larger as it covered both the north and south spine. Us welfies had to find a central spot to stand by in caee of injuries. Based on what I heard and saw, the north spine was more happening as the chasers really did their job well. It was the debrief after that but surprisingly it ended faster than expected. Since there were more people, we went to sleep in the tutorial room after having our supper.

After having breakfast, we moved off for soapy games and there were more activities this time. I could see that everyone enjoyed the games even though it started to rain towards the end. There was a cheer fight when we were in the shelter, which ended up us bowling the rest yet again. Pandora’s box was after lunch: this time, the flow felt smoother and there was a video explaining how the game was played. Us welfies then proceeded to manage the stores and accounting for them. we had dinner at JP and a birthday celebration, which D actually skipped debrief to be with us wows :’)